Fertility sticks and Mother's day

I am out of fertility testing sticks...they are expensive as all get-out, so I'm skipping them for a while. I'm just holding out and not worrying about it until my appointment on May 30th. How long does one go down this road before you say "enough is enough? I'm done with this fertility business." I guess I am more interested in how folks foster adopt or adopt their children. I listen when people tell me their birthing stories, but I REALLY enjoy hearing how God orchestrates adoptions. I feel as if it's such a scary, difficult, worthwhile process that isn't for the faint-hearted. I still remember the gal from church saying "adoption is great for some people, but you need to realize nothing is the same as birthing your own child." Now, I understand where she is coming from: what she was trying to express is that women shouldn't adopt just expecting that it takes away from the grief of not being able to birth your own child. I know there is and will be things to mourn: baby showers, gifts, going to the hospital and bringing a new baby home...sharing in the common birth story that most women get to experience. However, it seems there is a lot to be said for taking a baby out of a bad situation, or giving parents to an orphan, or giving up some part of "normal procedure" so a child can have a good home. We have a crib in our basement, and I think sometimes "Will I even get to use that crib?" Because in our state, the current waiting list for foster adoptive kids is 6 and older, not a lot of babies for placement. If we bring a ten year old into our lives, that will throw us into another category of parents (ie, we could have birthed this child when we were 19!). It's a family joke that my husband looks exactly like his mother when he wears his glasses a certain way. If we are unable to have our own children, that will be something we'll miss out on. Our children will not look like us. Family members and friends that we've shared this with have said they will love our adopted kids the same. I feel this unspoken tension "However, that's only after you do everything medically possible to birth your own children." I don't know if it's society or what-- adoption only comes after years of misfires. However, I have always felt that if we can't birth a child I want to skip right to adoption. I have wanted to skip a lot of doctor's appointments and this medical leave and all this junk. However, I guess I have to go through with it to make sure I don't have any kind of serious medical condition. I just don't know when that point is...when do you finally say "I'm out! I'm done! Enough of this fertility treatment stuff...." I was ready to quit the fertility treatment before I started. I feel as if May 30th is the departure day from which all this begins. I wish it was over already. It will be good to have our friends stay with us the weekend after, even if it is only a whirlwind visit.