Monday, January 23, 2006

the weirdness

I am starting to feel depressed again. Went to the gym this morning and weighed 279. This is upsetting because I feel as if I've been working out more than I have in a long time. It's a strange cycle because I work out but feel very, very tired after just small bursts of exercise.

Am I fooling myself? Am I really not doing very much? Donald and I met with an introductory group for Crown Financial Ministries to help us with budgeting and our finances. This week the homework is to do a budget of previous spending and then a budget of what we hope for when Donald has a job.

Bob D. warned me not to get too overworked and lose my current job. I would prefer to just work a lot but I know that it's harder to have a balanced life.

I am hopeful about the money thing, my job is starting a weight watchers group that is $144.00 for 12 weeks. The Crown Financial Ministries is $55.00 for 10 weeks.

I feel as if I've thrown so much money at my weight and my health I am really, really sick of it. I am not binge eating any more like I used to, but it's still frustrating that I don't see any results at all. I do feel better, and I've been without my medications for at least 3 or 4 months, but I am just upset that my weight keeps creeping up.

It's a lifelong battle, but I'm finding it very frustrating. I don't struggle with alcohol or drugs, but this food thing is making me very, very angry. I don't want to be at work, I don't want to be at home, and over the past couple weeks I've felt very depressed again. I used to like to go work out, but now I hate it cause it doesn't make me feel just makes me feel tired. I would like to go to the doctor, but we have no money to go to the doctor.

I left my Bible at home. I'm going to look up some scripture on . I'll spare you all any more of my bad attitude.


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