Friday, January 13, 2006

needs versus wants

I have been thinking all week about this. Do I need fancy face cleaners from Dermalogica? The reason I buy them is because I get acne fairly easily. I hate acne. I've tried Mary Kay, Neutrogena, Avon, prescription medication....none work as well as this stuff. On average, however, in layman's terms the stuff is about $30 bucks a bottle. You've got your cleaner, your mask, a toner, moisturizer, foundation. Now, foundation is part of skin care. It protects and provides sunblock. The foundation I bought is J.Iradale. It's $40 a container. Should last 6-8 months. I figured all this out...rationalized all this down to a dollar a day.

Now. I love my gym. It's a women's gym. I've been going nearly every day for the passed 3 weeks. Have only lost a few pounds. Do I stop going to the gym because of money? Do I stubbornly keep going?

I try to work overtime whenever I can. I am unable to make our budget work on our own. I am meeting with someone on Saturday at 4pm, well, I should say we, my husband is going with me.

I wonder why I bother with this blog. I probably spit in the face of what a Christian Woman is supposed to be like. I feel pulled in one direction, and pulled in another. I'm supposed to be a good steward of my body, but I can't afford the gym, skin care, all this stuff that I have put down in the need category, that most people look at as wants.

I am going to give these things up because I must, but I am very, very angry.


At 9:44 AM, Blogger JamieS said...

Oh Jessie... I read so much pain in your words dear sister. I pray right now that you would rest in the arms of your Father who loves you. He longs for you to run to Him, to cling to Him, to fall in His arms and give it ALL up to Him. Cast all your burdens on Him, for He cares for you.

I understand what it's like to give things up... heck, I'd love to just buy a few new pair of underwear - lol. But what God wants us to have and what we want to have do not always mesh. And a lot of times it means giving up many of our wants before the deepest need is met. I've experienced this BIG time when I was pregnant with Ethan and it was about a year long battle that was incredibly difficult for me but led me deeper into God's arms.

I'm rambling, but I say all this to let you know that we all go through valleys... and sometimes those vallies feel more like vast wastlands. But somewhere in there we have a choice to make to look upward and cry out to Him. And even if He doesn't seem to answer rest in knowing He heard. I am here if you want to talk... I know this is disjointed, but I want you to know that I care and I'm more than glad to listen if you want to talk. I love you sister! But remember God loves you even more.


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