beginning running again

Last night I was at work & there are electronic announcement boards. There were 6 new babies born to employees the last couple of weeks.

My friend R. is now a grandma. Her youngest daughter had a baby on January 16th. I didn't even know she was pregnant, and I don't know if she's married. Robin and I haven't talked much lately because R.'s been going to school to become a physician's assistant. She mentioned she had to visit her daughter in January; I didn't realize because she was due with a baby.

I had coffee with the pastor's wife yesterday. We had a very, very good talk. Some of what we talked about was reaching out when you're hurting, because people don't always know to call you. People don't read minds. She suggested I meet with a good friend of hers who is probably 55 and is married, and has never had children. When I called this woman to see if I could meet with her about her struggles with infertility, I felt like such a jerk. Basically I was asking "Hey, can you share your story with me, even though it probably feels like a knife in your heart?" I thanked her for agreeing to meet with me; I didn't know what else to say when she started crying on the phone.

What do these stories have in common? I don't know. Two different things I found out in one day. God had two completely different paths for these women: an unwed mother and a married woman who chose not to adopt when they were unable to have children.

My pastor's wife said something very good: she said all things must force us to throw ourselves at God's feet. All things come into our lives to mold us, to shape us, to build us up. We may petition God, He may not do what we ask, but we must ask Him and admit we are needy of Him.

Where does the running come in? Well, after hearing about R.'s daughter and the 6 new babies at work I just wanted to throw myself out the window. I can't describe it: I'm not mad at people for having children. I guess I'm mad because I'm not the one getting the attention, I'm not the one on maternity leave, I'm not the one getting baby showers, who knows what my deal is. Maybe I'm selfish & jealous.

I was walking out of the restroom at work after reading R.'s email about her daughter and seeing the electronic board flash by another "Congratulations to the newest member of the Farmer's family!" I won't lie, I muttered to myself "F***, I need to start running again. I need something else to do"

I started the beginning runner's program again. I am going to work up to 5k and then a marathon, which has been one of my life's goals.

1. play piano
2. learn to paint oil
3. run a marathon
4. learn to play the organ

I need something else to think about besides babies. It's making me nuts.