Adoption Insights

I talked with P. yesterday, a social worker in our church that works as a "Home Study" helper. Now, yesterday at this time I had no idea what a "Home Study" was. Basically, it's a form you fill out that summarizes who you and your spouse are, your income, your hobbies, etc. It is a form that adoption agencies use (and governments) to see if you're a match to adopt. I was talking with her after Bible Study yesterday because she and her family adopted Náte from Ethiopia. He came to them after his mother dropped him off at an Aids Clinic to receive treatment. She died shortly after. P. explained that in most African countries the mothers and fathers would starve themselves before they would give up their children, but the AIDS epidemic is causing true orphans. Now, P. said she and her four kids are going to spend a year in Ethiopia, and are hoping they can adopt an older child when they are overseas. I am planning on keeping them in my prayers, what an adventure!

I decided to talk to P. about her opinions on adoption, as she has 3 birth children and 1 legally adopted child (as well as another older child that considers her and her husband mom and dad, though not legally adopted). What P. explained is that there are two different types of adoptions: Domestic and International. Then there are Private Domestic. Good grief.

What's hard about domestic adoption, as she explained, is domestic is centered around the birth mother. The birth mother goes to an agency, flips through all these profiles, and picks one. Now, your profile may sit in this file for years, or the same day you put in your profile (home study) a birth mother might choose it. It's an open adoption: which means the birth mother gets to choose and meet you. In her experience, P. explained that people have to wait a long time to adopt. Some couples to adopt domestically may have to wait five years, which is an eternity if you've already been waiting for a baby. We didn't talk about private domestic adoption too much; I think that's the type you use if you want to spend a lot to get a newborn directly from the hospital. I will have to do some research on that particular one.

International Adoption is different for every country. For example, some countries want you to personally get on a plane to pick up your child. Some countries only allow an escort to get your child and bring them back to you at the airport. Some countries (like South Africa) want to know specifics on your church and church attendance. Some countries (like China) don't want church mentioned in your application at all. She explained typically from the year you fill out your home study, within that year you will be 'matched' with a child. Also, on these applications you can specify what kind of child you want (age range and sex, etc.) These can run $15,000-$20,000 an adoption (including airfare), but there are income tax credits that can be spread out over 4 years. Also, some employers give incentives for adoption. P. said that basically her adoption of Náte was free.

It all seems very strange to me that an agency would charge for a child to get a good home. I suppose they have costs for looking up our records. I would hope that a good portion of that money would go to orphanages. I have told lots of people that it doesn't seem fair; there is no 'surprise' in adoption. You have to fill out a lot of paperwork, pay a lot of money, talk to a lot of people, figure out what to do, figure out what type of infertility treatment you will or won't do. People who can just get pregnant get pregnant, and have a baby! Wham, it shows up. Now, I know that's not as simple as it sounds. I know God is sovereign, and He decides who will and won't be able to have children. He can open or close a womb by His choice, and it is His perfect timing.

However, something weird is going on with me. I am frustrated by the adoption process, but I am excited that God could take a child that is not flesh and blood and make them your child. I think there needs to be an understanding that it wouldn't be the courts, or the governments, or the paperwork you sign. It is God that causes us to be a body, a family, united in Christ.

One of my other friends from church said she and her husband had a heart for China, and that's why they adopted two Chinese girls. If there would be a country or a region that I am passionate about, it would be South America. My ear is just always tuned to the political situation, the issues that effect South America. If it were completely up to me, and I know there are a lot of other factors involved, I would chose to adopt a child from Mexico or South America. However, what P. shared about the AIDS epidemic in Africa really got me thinking. I will have to do some more research on that topic as well.