music...

Haven't posted in a while-- life's been plugging along.

Talked with another friend at church, J., about her struggle with infertility. We were at a women's brunch at her house and the entire table of conversation was about childbirth, c-sections, post-partum, etc, etc. She and I just winked at each other, which was awesome. It's hard to explain when you're going through a difficult time, and people don't realize it, and then they discuss it in front of you. (More salt in the wound, please.) It was just great so have someone there who understood how I felt.

I have been listening to Marc Broussard, Fiona Apple, and Nickel Creek on my, well, it's not an Ipod. Digital Music player I suppose. I think Nickel Creek is in Lawrence tonight (or maybe it was last week....) Have to work, sadly.

Right now, we are on the scavenger hunt for a treadmill to put in the livingroom. Also, I am tutoring someone in Spanish tomorrow so I need to get working on a practice test for him. Subjunctive verb forms, yippee!

april fools day!

I haven't wanted to post because I've been in a bummed out mood....my husband and I have been praying together more about simple, everyday things, so that has been a great comfort.

Otherwise, I feel very alone and "silent" about what is going on with us. I am trying not to tell everyone, even though I would like to tell everyone, because I am just afraid I'm doing it to have my own little pitty party. Everyone has struggles, so I let a few people know that I know will pray.
Today, I just mentioned to my mother-in-law about how we still aren't pregnant. She said she hopes we aren't feeling pressured by them, and then she went on to talk about some folks who have adopted children from Russia....

.....and then the Lawrence Journal World had an article last week entitled "adoption without borders" that caught my eye. I guess my ear is more turned to stories about people being adopted or folks who are considering adoption. Last week I talked with someone on the phone from work who was adopting a five year old out of Foster Care.

I suppose before all this infertility business started I wasn't paying much attention to adoption stories. Now. I am really being very nosy and asking people questions about how they have adopted, what the process is, how they feel about being infertile....I think I should write a book.

I did miss Bible study this week because I was so sure I would have good news, but then we were disappointed again. I just can't face people sometimes, I feel as if I am a failure because of my weight and infertility.

My mother-in-law mentioned when they were going through the infertility process that she would just try to stay busy as much as possible to not think about it. She asked me if the doctors are saying it's my weight, and I said "It doesn't help." When my weight is my one "abnormal" health trait, what else could it be?

My next doctor's appointment is May 30th with an endocronologist. Also, my husband and I are seriously considering buying a treadmill. We're going to talk to some other folks about it to see if that's the sensible thing to do, but I've been praying about it, and it seems like that it would help me to work out more if I had something at home. I walked to the store today -- wonderful weather!