finances

My husband I have been meeting monthly with someone from our church to go over our debt. This is usually a good time, and for the first time yesterday we brought up the adoption equation.

I hate to think of kids in terms of finances, but my husband and I are in a lot of student loan debt and other misc. debt. (Though, thankfully, the credit card debt and misc. we've whittled down quite a bit.) We are trying to be wise in our spending and follow the Crown financial principles, but my heart really aches for a child NOW. I don't care how much it costs, or how much debt we get into, I just really want a child!

Our friend that discusses finances also brought up the fact that adoption not only has upfront costs, but the cost of parenting as well. Clothing, feeding, educating and caring for a child. I guess I feel torn with wanting to be financially responsible and have enough saved up for a child, and feeling as if I'm getting old because I will be 30 in March.

Also, a lot of our family and friends are in the Illinois/Indiana area, and we are considering moving there someday, especially if we have children. If I get a promotion here in Kansas, I will be locked in for 18 months until I can promote up into another job in Illinois (where there are more job opportunties).

Our friend from church that works with us on finances also said that maybe we aren't meant to have children, but maybe we are just to be people who help children that aren't necessarily our own. (I can't remember the exact phrase he used, but it was something to the affect of maybe we aren't meant to be parents by birth or adoption.) I guess that's something that I've been praying through, if we are meant to be parents at all.

I don't know why I want to be a mom, it's just something I want! Maybe that's just a selfish part of it, I can't even explain it. I just know there are a lot of kids out there that need parents, a lot of orphans that don't have homes, a lot of kids whose parents just don't have the ability to care for their children. I know my husband would be a great dad, and I want to see him as a dad, and I guess that's a big part of it. I want to be a mom, but even more than that, I really know my husband wants to be a dad.

I guess we're just going to keep moving forward, and see where God opens and shuts doors. That was such a tough talk yesterday.