Sometimes I'm a monster

Sometimes with this whole infertility thing I am calm, cool, and collected. Take last weekend for example. Two members of our "covenant group" (like a Bible Study) are pregnant. Most of the night's conversation consisted of breast feeding. I enjoyed the conversation, I wasn't ready to cry, and I didn't say anything rude. One of the pregnant ladies at the beginning of the night asked me about how the adoption process was going, which was nice. I talked a little bit about how I feel badly because China says you can't adopt their children if you're overweight or on anti-depressents. I enjoyed listening to their mommy stories, and I didn't get mad and leave. I was quite amazed at God's grace to me, because that was a particularly hard thing to do, especially since my husband was not with me.

I skip that covenant group sometimes just because I can't handle being around people with kids, because inevitably the conversation turns to birth stories and pregnancy stories. Sometimes, I just want to scream at people and ask them what their problem is. One of my husband's friends, after he told him he was adopting, said "So, you've given up on having one of your own?" WHAT? You mean adopted kids won't be our own? Now, this friend has rubbed me the wrong way the whole time in this adoption process. When I first mentioned to him about adoption, (this was a year or two ago) he said "No, this is way too early for you to think about adoption, there is a lot of other things you need to do first before you adopt, there are lots of fertility clinics around." Okay, Master of my universe. I will get right on that, whatever you say.

So, with him, I'm already on edge, and I am always expecting nasty things to come out of his mouth as far as adoption. I really need to pray more, because whenever he says anything, the monster in me wants to come out and just lay it on him. It's as if he is the master of every adoption cliche that any of us have ever heard. Do you have any ideas for how to respond to this friend?

Friday I went to work and I was in a sassy mood. I have been pretty quiet about the adoption thing, only my husband's family and a few close friends know. I am tired of listening to other people talk about their pregnancies, how they can't sleep at night, and how they heard the baby's heart beat, etc. (I have one pregnant lady that sits by me and another that is friends with someone that is by me, so I hear them both talking all the time.) I want people to know we're going to be getting a baby in a year or maybe a little more! I told my boss, all my co-workers that we're going to start the adoption process once we get moved to Olathe. I asked my boss if it was okay for me to take a photo of myself at work for our home study, he said that was great. Cindy, the same teammate who said that I should adopt a Mexican baby so I could speak with it in Spanish, said "It's exciting. It's like you're expecting a baby but it's just a little different. You're doing it this way rather than getting pregnant." Man, I love that lady. She's only 22 or so but she has said some great things that have made me feel better.

Yep, I'm expecting. We're expecting. And if I need to listen to you tell me stories about breast feeding and how many hours you were in labor, you're going to get stories on paperwork and adoption milestones.

I don't feel like being quiet about this anymore! We're adopting!