Sunday, January 21, 2007

Sometimes I'm a monster

Sometimes with this whole infertility thing I am calm, cool, and collected. Take last weekend for example. Two members of our "covenant group" (like a Bible Study) are pregnant. Most of the night's conversation consisted of breast feeding. I enjoyed the conversation, I wasn't ready to cry, and I didn't say anything rude. One of the pregnant ladies at the beginning of the night asked me about how the adoption process was going, which was nice. I talked a little bit about how I feel badly because China says you can't adopt their children if you're overweight or on anti-depressents. I enjoyed listening to their mommy stories, and I didn't get mad and leave. I was quite amazed at God's grace to me, because that was a particularly hard thing to do, especially since my husband was not with me.

I skip that covenant group sometimes just because I can't handle being around people with kids, because inevitably the conversation turns to birth stories and pregnancy stories. Sometimes, I just want to scream at people and ask them what their problem is. One of my husband's friends, after he told him he was adopting, said "So, you've given up on having one of your own?" WHAT? You mean adopted kids won't be our own? Now, this friend has rubbed me the wrong way the whole time in this adoption process. When I first mentioned to him about adoption, (this was a year or two ago) he said "No, this is way too early for you to think about adoption, there is a lot of other things you need to do first before you adopt, there are lots of fertility clinics around." Okay, Master of my universe. I will get right on that, whatever you say.

So, with him, I'm already on edge, and I am always expecting nasty things to come out of his mouth as far as adoption. I really need to pray more, because whenever he says anything, the monster in me wants to come out and just lay it on him. It's as if he is the master of every adoption cliche that any of us have ever heard. Do you have any ideas for how to respond to this friend?

Friday I went to work and I was in a sassy mood. I have been pretty quiet about the adoption thing, only my husband's family and a few close friends know. I am tired of listening to other people talk about their pregnancies, how they can't sleep at night, and how they heard the baby's heart beat, etc. (I have one pregnant lady that sits by me and another that is friends with someone that is by me, so I hear them both talking all the time.) I want people to know we're going to be getting a baby in a year or maybe a little more! I told my boss, all my co-workers that we're going to start the adoption process once we get moved to Olathe. I asked my boss if it was okay for me to take a photo of myself at work for our home study, he said that was great. Cindy, the same teammate who said that I should adopt a Mexican baby so I could speak with it in Spanish, said "It's exciting. It's like you're expecting a baby but it's just a little different. You're doing it this way rather than getting pregnant." Man, I love that lady. She's only 22 or so but she has said some great things that have made me feel better.

Yep, I'm expecting. We're expecting. And if I need to listen to you tell me stories about breast feeding and how many hours you were in labor, you're going to get stories on paperwork and adoption milestones.

I don't feel like being quiet about this anymore! We're adopting!

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At 10:54 AM, Blogger Yeah So said...

*sigh* I've been exactly where you are and it stinks. I still don't understand why pregnant people have to prattle on and on as if everyone really cares. Good for you for speaking up about the adoption - you are expecting too!

As for your friend, maybe you can tell him in a nice way that there are some things that infertiles/adopting parents don't really like to hear. Tell him what they are in a nice way and tell them why it bothers us. I would think that if you told him you understand he is trying to be supportive - but to trust you that you've done everything you could and this is what is best for you guys now.

Good luck!

At 9:00 AM, Blogger JamieS said...

Good for you Jessie! I am SO excited for you! I think adoption is an amazing thing because I think it paints a beauitful picture of how God adopts us into His family. We are desired by God, just as you desire that child that you WILL have soon. I love it!

And just so you know, I would LOVE to hear stories about paperwork and homestudies and the whole process, so call me anytime. :) I KNOW you will be a wonderful mom to the baby/child the Lord gives you. I also know His timing is perfect (even if it doesn't seem like it to us) and He will bless you with a child in His perfect timing according to His perfect plan. Whether He blesses you with children through adoption or through your womb or both, they will all be the children you have desired. We serve a good God.

Love you sister and am praying for you and this whole process!

At 2:11 PM, Blogger Lori said...

WAY TO GO!! The only way people less intelligent then you are going to learn or know how to handle adoptions, is if you educate them! It's not fun sometimes and the expectations we have don't always pop up or happen! Hang in there! The way I guess I would have handled that situation is told the guy that God has given us a heart for the unwanted and that He will guide you to the child He has prepared for your family! That child will be yours 100% whether it is through physical labor or emotional labor!! It's the same kind of love without the labor!!

At 8:49 AM, Blogger petunia said...

You had visited my old blog when we were in the waiting process and I was just checking in. I know EXACTLY how you feel - I HATED people talking about pregnancy and late nights with the baby and nipple rings and whatever other torturous thing they could think of. They had no idea how it hurt me, they didn't know we were in the throws of IF for 13 years and trying to adopt for the while we were. Sometimes I thought - "can't you see we have been married 15 years and don't have children? Are you all stupid??"
Have you tried the Christian Agencies in your area?

At 8:55 AM, Blogger DramaQueen said...

Petunia: Thanks for commenting so I could find your new blog! added you to my blogroll if that's cool!

It is so good to hear from other people who understand how I feel...sometimes I think I'm going crazy!

At 9:39 AM, Blogger petunia said...

No one can understand that hasn't been there. And God really does have a plan....we only see that now that we finally have our little girl and we know we had to wait this long because we were waiting for her....God is working in you---don't worry.

(PS I don't write a lot about our adopting on my new blog but more about my own adoption) E-mail me if you want ifwaitingfaithfully at yahoo (dot) com)


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